While attending seminary I decided to pursue graduate education in philosophy. You can read part of that story here. I knew that since I didn't have an undergraduate degree in philosophy, I would have a hard time getting into a good program right out of NOBTS. So, I applied to five terminal MA programs in philosophy to see what would happen. Somehow, I was admitted into two of the five - The University of Missouri-St. Louis (UMSL) and the University of Houston. UMSL offered me a funding package. I would work as a teacher's assistant and they would pay my tuition and give me a small stipend for living expenses. I still think that it was a miracle because of a lack of background in philosophy.
My first semester at UMSL was rough (to say the least). I was in over my head. Surrounded by really smart people who knew more philosophy than me, I developed impostor syndrome. I was in a graduate seminar on Intentional Actions and we were reading G.E.M. Anscombe's Intention. I was lost. I didn't understand. I read and re-read and re-read again. My first paper was not very good. But the professor, Eric Wiland, was lenient and gave me a B+. I wasn't the only one who didn't do well, so he gave us some more detailed instructions the next class period on how to write a philosophy paper. My second paper was on whether St. Peter denied Christ intentionally. I thought it was a little better, but I still felt lost and that I didn't belong and that I was never going to make it in philosophy. A few days after turning in the paper, I was going to the cafeteria to eat lunch. I was on the down escalator and Dr. Wiland was on the way up. He saw me as we passed and quickly told me that my paper was good and that he liked it. That one small comment, in passing, so simple, changed my trajectory in grad school. I went from believing I was in over my head and I wasn't cut out for this to believing that I maybe I can do this. Now of course it wasn't easy after that. I still had to re-read Anscombe multiple times and work very hard. But I knew that if I did so, I could have a chance to be successful. And maybe, even that I belonged there. For this, I am thankful. Comments are closed.
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